Isn’t it lovely when our teacher is pleasant, understanding, and loving?  Sometimes, though, our teacher comes in a distressing disguise.  Mother Teresa remarked that in serving the poor she was serving Jesus in a distressing disguise.  I find this concept both fascinating and a source of strength. 

My first teacher in a distressing disguise was my toddler daughter.  She was beautiful.  The distressing part was not knowing how to respond to her refusals to requests, her “no” that was full of conviction, her “I don’t want to, and you can’t make me” attitude.  At times, I felt frustrated, irritated, or angry.  It was distressing.  She gave me a beautiful opportunity to learn what was behind my reactions – to learn what was at the core of the triggers around refusal and how all of that was tied into my beliefs about respect, love, influence, motherhood, and leadership.  She has been my greatest teacher.   

A more current teacher in a distressing disguise was a student who was in a course I was teaching.  Afterwards, there was a wave of blame and accusations.  My friend and teacher (who, by the way, is lovely and without disguise) guided me to see where we could learn.  Initially, I simply wanted to defend.  I looked for every piece of evidence where the student was wrong or dramatic or exaggerating what happened.  My lovely teacher guided me to step back, to see things from a broader perspective, and to look for where we could improve.  Where in the list of expressed fears and allegations was the student right?

We did not have to be wrong to take that look.  We also did not have to be right.  We needed to look at things from the student’s perspective.  In doing that, I could see where we can put into place times to check in; where we could improve upon how we approached specific activities, explaining them in greater detail; where I could become a better listener; where we all could be more in tune with each individual; and where we could be more flexible and creative.

By looking at the student as a teacher in a distressing disguise, I could look inside and get more curious.  I could learn.  Although I cannot control someone else’s perspective, I could take the time to see their perspective and to also see where I can be more attuned. 

We’ve all had teachers in distressing disguises.  Possibly, it was a former spouse, a coach on a sports team, or a parent.  Maybe we have even been a teacher in a distressing disguise for someone else. 

It might be helpful to view COVID-19 as a teacher in a distressing disguise.  Our lives are different.  Things are changing.  In looking at the virus in this way, ask yourself:  How will I show up?  How will I show up for others?  How will I act responsibly?  How can I be a leader for myself and my family?  How are we all in this together?  What will this distressing virus teach me?

What I love about the concept of seeing the uncomfortable and the unwanted and the scary as a teacher in a distressing disguise is that it allows us to recognize and accept the distress we may feel.  In addition, by calling it a “disguise”, it helps us realize that the one shrouded in that disguise is so much more than the disguise itself.   

Seeing disturbing situations or behaviors as teachers in a distressing disguise provides us with the strength and self-acceptance to gaze into an otherwise closed space. 

It allows us to see the beauty both within us and within the teacher.  Just as Mother Theresa saw Jesus in each of those who were ill, extremely impoverished, and suffering, we can see the magnificence in our teacher who is generously showing up for us in their distressing disguise.