Many thanks to The Santa Fe New Mexican for permission to share our Whole Hearted Parenting column with you.

In her newest book, Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants, Robin Wall Kimmerer shed great light on the underlying meaning of gifts.

She began by explaining she “was raised by strawberries, fields of them. … Strawberries first shaped my view of a world full of gifts simply scattered at your feet.”

She wrote of the creation story and Skywoman, whose daughter died in childbirth. “Heartbroken, Skywoman buried her beloved daughter in the earth. Her final gifts, our most revered plants, grew from her body. The strawberry arose from her heart.” A gift could not be more sustaining or sacred than this.

Kimmerer explained gifts come to you “through no action of your own, free, having moved toward you without your beckoning. It is not a reward; you cannot earn it, or call it to you, or even deserve it. And yet it appears.”

Following every trip abroad during my father’s stint in the Air Force, out of his suitcase miraculously appeared a doll that was a gift for me. On each trip, as he wandered through a bazaar or small shop, he was in search of that gift. I did not beckon the gifts or even expect them, and they filled me with joy. I have every single doll today.

There is a reciprocity embedded within gifts. “A gift creates an ongoing relationship.” It is a statement of love — as one of the five love languages — that “establishes a feeling-bond between two people.” It is a wish for continuing connection moving into the future.

As we enter the biggest gift-giving season of the year, consider the underlying meaning of gifts — the reciprocity and the intended connections. “In a gift economy, gifts are not free. The essence of the gift is that it creates a set of relationships. The currency of a gift economy is, at its root, reciprocity,” Kimmerer wrote.

That explained to me why a friend was disappointed when her adult nephews ignored her gifts. There were no notes of thanks, no calls to connect, no recognition of the gifts at any time. By their lack of reciprocity, her gifts became untethered to her hoped-for continuing relationship.

It is not “fishing” to desire a response to a gift sent. It is a part of the inherent reciprocity.

The way that we model that reciprocity in gift giving is how we teach our children to understand the significance of gifts as a statement of relationship and caring. If we express our thanks through cards and calls, our children will notice.

Did you receive clothing, jewelry or something else to adorn you? Wearing it in the presence of the giver will guide our children to do the same.

Did you receive art supplies or a tool? Let your children hear you express to the giver how you are using it and how helpful it is.

Let them join in a discussion you are having with your gift giver about the book they gave you.

Teach your children to send thank-you cards. Those with stick figures will be treasured. Send photos of your child wearing, using or playing with the gift they received. That reciprocity is a gift in itself.

Let gifts become a statement of your bond with those you love and of your wish to see the relationship continue and grow. Let that extend to the gifts we receive from the earth. She needs our love, reciprocity and gratitude more than ever.