Closing Out 2019 with Gratitude: The Link Between Gratitude and Vulnerability

Twenty-one days remain in the year as I write this, and my plan is to complete 2019 with gratitude. On each of these remaining twenty-one days, I will recognize one nugget – be it someone or something – for which I feel grateful.  We all know the value of gratitude – how it can rewire our brain and recharge our life and refocus our attention.  Additionally, I’ve discovered that each thing I am grateful for is linked with vulnerability.

One of the biggest events this year for my family was our daughter going out-of-state to college in January.  This was monumental for all three of us.  The aftershock of dropping her off in California and driving across several states back to New Mexico was stunning.  I wrote about the experience, talked about the experience with friends and family, and felt it deeply.  This year has seen a gradual transformation for which I am now grateful.  As Pema Chodron wrote in her newest book, Welcoming the Unwelcome, “By putting things in a bigger context, [you can] enter a whole realm of practice – learning to stay with the rawness of vulnerability of being human.” 

I am grateful to see my daughter flourish, to resiliently handle setbacks, to move forward with spirited determination, and to come home with gratitude. 

I am grateful for my husband.  In February of 2020, we will have been married twenty-five years.  I feel tremendous gratitude for the trust, laughter, friendship, and closeness that we share.  This has required a vulnerability that I’ve never allowed myself to experience with anyone before.  Sometimes it hasn’t been pretty.  It certainly hasn’t been a linear path. It has meant moving out of my comfort zone A LOT.  

In the chapter of her book dedicated to moving beyond the comfort zone, Pema wrote, “The more willing you are to step out of your comfort zone, the more comfortable you feel in your life.  Situations that used to arouse fear and nausea become easier to relax in.  On the other hand, if you stay in the comfort zone all the time, it shrinks.” 

The comfort zone is where “we prefer to hang out.”  Beyond that is what Pema calls the “learning zone.”  It is a narrow band where we “stretch beyond our comfort” and where we may feel discomfort as we learn.  Beyond that is the “excessive risk” zone, an area that is “usually too challenging to nurture growth.  It’s like being in the deep end of the swimming pool when you don’t even know how to swim.  You’re just not ready to go there.  If you force yourself to be in this outer zone, you’ll be too traumatized to learn anything.  Everyone’s three zones are very personal to them.  One person’s excessive risk zone can be another person’s learning zone.” 

Our beloved dog, Veronica, died in 2019.  As my friend and neighbor, Annie, so aptly said, she was my “heart dog”.  You’ve had one.  From the moment I saw those brown eyes, I knew her.  She was loving, goofy, and kind.  I adored her – her beautiful head, the cute way she walked, and how she was simply unhurried.  It took her quite a while to gather speed if she spotted a rabbit. 

Losing her was a journey out of my comfort zone and into the learning zone.  It truly embodied a “rawness of vulnerability of being human.”  Now, I am so grateful for the time that we had together.  And I still cry.

What I’ve discovered in closing out 2019 with gratitude is that the biggest things for which I am grateful required great vulnerability.  There were times when my feelings felt almost over-powering. I sometimes felt thrown out of my comfort zone!  For all of that, I am grateful.  

May you welcome the unwelcome in a way that enriches your life and expands your gratitude.