Feeling Feelings

I grew up in a family where there was rampant judgement about feelings.  My family wasn’t alone.  It was a part of a culture that encouraged a separation of your thinking self from your feeling self.  Life decisions were to be made only from the thinking self.  Logic was supreme! Feelings were viewed as irrational.  My dad even gave me an IBM desk plaque with THINK emboldened on the front to instill the belief.    

Although I still have that desk plaque packed away somewhere, I no longer carry the belief that thinking is more valuable than feeling.  As much as I tried to separate the two and to operate only from my thinking self, my feeling self was still there, whispering, “Listen!  This is important!” 

Releasing the belief that thinking was more important than feeling also included releasing my judgement about feelings.  That liberates the heart and head to work together, and they are a powerful team.   A friend and colleague discovered that incorporating his heart has made him even smarter! 

Along with the judgement about feelings, there was also a cultural message that expressing your feelings releases them.  Remember “therapy bats,” which people used to express their pent up anger?  Swinging the bats or hitting a pillow didn’t resolve the issue or even extinguish the inner feelings.  It actually fired them up! 

Feeling your feelings means that you pause and become a witness to them. You become aware of the part of you that arises and is full of feeling. You befriend that part of you rather than acting from that part of you.   You respond from your full self FOR those parts of you rather than FROM those parts of you. Things typically go off track when we react from those parts of ourselves.

Look at feelings as energy. Energy comes and goes. You can allow it to leave if you take the time to feel it in your body. Your body is the avenue for feeling feelings, and feelings are a barometer for your values, your triggers, and your beliefs.

Your feelings can strengthen your resilience and your confidence. This means feeling all of your feelings, not just the comfortable ones. There are no “good” or “bad” feelings, and there are no “positive” or “negative” feelings.  Feelings just are.  That involves letting go of judgement, summoning your courage, pausing, and then saying “yes” to sometimes feeling uncomfortable.  That practice is an embrace and an acceptance of all of you.

The benefits of feeling your feelings are many.  Your relationships will be enhanced.  You will love yourself and others more.  You will understand yourself more deeply and gain solid confidence.  Your life will feel enriched.  You will live whole heartedly!