How Do You Want to BE in 2023?

Many thanks to the Santa Fe New Mexican for allowing us to share our Whole Hearted Parenting column with you on our blog.

Happy 2023!  For many people, welcoming a new year means creating resolutions.  Resolutions can revolve around ditching unhealthy habits, increasing your income, visiting places on your bucket list, changing a career, or losing weight.  These are about doing something different, and that is great.  For a moment, though, please consider how you want to BE in 2023. 

Possibly there are situations that you handled in 2022 that you aren’t happy with.  All of us have at least a few!  Maybe there were times that you rushed when you could have slowed down and been more present with those you care about.  Possibly you hesitated to set a boundary and then felt bad about yourself.  Perhaps you reacted quickly and punished your child or yelled at your spouse. 

Would you like to traverse 2023 differently?  A greater sense of balance, authority, and confidence can allow you to avoid knee-jerk reactions.  Operating with greater self-compassion and vulnerability can turn around self-criticism and isolation.  Leading your children rather than commanding them can change everything.  You can handle things differently by making how you want to BE important.   

There are three components to shifting your way of being – embodying “the pause”, getting curious, and expanding your self-compassion. 

Embodying the pause is more than simply taking a few deep breaths.  It is being keenly aware of what is arising within you.  It involves taking an inventory of your feelings, your senses, your body, your thoughts, stories that you may be creating, and the vibes you are picking up from the space and the people around you.  The pause is active.  It means checking in with your own nervous system.  You need not analyze during the pause.  Simply notice. 

Getting curious means that you openly look at what has occurred without shutting down, getting defensive, or blaming.  It means becoming vulnerable and open hearted.  Curiosity allows you to view things from a big picture perspective.  It requires the pause! 

Expanding your self-compassion means that you notice when you are critical or harsh with yourself.  You can then see if there is room for greater understanding and self-acceptance.  It means seeing the protective purpose of the parts of yourself that you may be critical of. 

Embodying the pause, getting curious, and expanding your self-compassion will support you in being the parent that you want to be.  If you would like your child to be more self-compassionate, open, and self-aware, what you model is the key.  In addition to your resolutions for 2023, please reflect on how you want to BE.     

For more on this topic, consider our live virtual event, Finding Balance and Renewal, happening on Saturday, January 21st.  For details and registration, visit www.WholeHeartedParenting.com/shop.