There has been much said about "the pause" - that space between something happening and your response to it. Over the years - in parenting courses, personal development weekends, coaching sessions, and recovery groups - I've spoken and written a lot about "the pause". The older I get, the more I realize and cherish its value, influence, and reach. 

Knowing its importance, have you ever considered what occurs during the pause?  Is it simply a shutting down or cooling off period during which you seek stillness and emptiness? 

I suggest that the pause is not an empty space.  Instead, it is a turning inward filled with noticing, reflecting, feeling, listening, and deciding.  It is full of self-compassion.  The pause is an active time rather than a passive one.  It is a time to tune into your body, your nervous system, and your feelings.  It is a time to notice and become a witness to what is happening within you, outside of you, and between you and others.  You become an objective observer, allowing your body to settle and return to a state of safety. 

Practicing the pause can change your relationships, your sense of well-being, and even the quality of your thoughts.  It will influence the ease with which you move through the world.  It is a momentary return to mindfulness with lasting results, and it is something that we all deserve to practice.

The next time your inner voice urges you to avoid saying or doing something or it guides you to say or do something, take a pause.  During the pause, ask yourself any of these questions: 

·       What are you feeling and where in your body are you feeling it?  Are you feeling angry, irritated, frustrated, sad, hurt, afraid, happy, hopeful?  Is the feeling located in your belly, throat, back, or somewhere else?  Has your breathing or heart rate changed?  Is any part of your body constricted or tight? 

·       What parts of you are showing up that might be protecting you or trying to manage the situation? (Consider an exploration of these parts. It will be worth it! Ask me how.) 

·       Are you thinking in polarities, i.e., win/lose, right/wrong, friend/enemy?  What do you need right now to see the third alternative or to consider that there might be multiple options? 

·       What is it that you want to do and what will be the probable outcome if you choose to do it?

·       What is your preferred outcome?  What would lead to your preferred outcome? 

·       What would it take for you to know that the other person's response or the situation is not about you personally?  Might you be basing your conclusion on any assumptions? 

·       What is your decision on how to respond?  How does your decision feel?

Stopping the “hurry up” to practice the pause can be the start of a new level of awareness and a refreshing way of being. It is attunement, and it is self-care at its finest!