Talking with Your Kids about Racism

Thank you to The Santa Fe New Mexican for permission to post this article written for them by Whole Hearted Parenting!

The three characteristics of a sensitive or crucial talk are that the stakes are high, feelings are elevated, and opinions may differ.  In talking about racism with your children, all three may come into play.    

As EmbraceRace notes, “This is not a talk about kindness in general, or the beauty of diversity, or how we can celebrate our differences, though those talks are also important. The talk I am speaking of is much harder for White parents to have. It is the truth about bias and racism and how we all have it.”

I hope that you began with reading Dr. Robin DiAngelo’s book White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk about Racism.  We are steeped in the biases of our white culture.  Her book is a wonderful – horrible, harrowing, humbling – way to begin that exploration. Your willingness to dive in and dive deep will not only model for your children how to begin to unravel biases, but how to impact change.  Our discussion with our children starts with educating ourselves.

Our children learn about race from birth.  They see looks given.  They hear a tone of voice used.  They absorb our responses and those of teachers, friends, and relatives.  They get messages from the world they live in, and they make decisions based on those messages.  Those messages and decisions may be biased.  It is never too early to begin this talk.

Framing the talk as a discussion leads to greater engagement from your children.  Be curious about their perceptions.  View it as an opportunity to learn from them rather than an time to disseminate information.  You may see biases that they have already formed.  Assist them in disassembling those biases so that they see things in a more equitable, truthful way.      

Begin with what is happening in our country right now.  With younger children, watch the Sesame Street Town Hall on Racism and choose from the picture books that are under resources at EmbraceRace.org.  Ask what they think and feel.  With older children, discuss the protests.  What is their purpose?  What is the change that they desire?  What do your children think needs to change to make the world more equitable?  How would they like to be involved to see that happen?

We can make this a tipping point for change that is long overdue.  It begins with us.  It begins with us discussing racism with our children.  It is both the most important and the very least that we can do.