There are many things that influence your relationships with the people you care about.  Knowing the keys for connected relationships can deepen the one that you have with your child.  It is challenging to whittle the components down into three, so consider these three keys a part of a larger ring of practices, ways of thinking, and ways of relating, all bringing greater closeness. 

Create a safe place to land.  I don’t know who first coined that phrase as it relates to parents and children, and it beautifully encompasses everything nourishing about home and about your own heart.  You are that safe place to land.  You create home as a secure place, too.  Safety is paramount for learning, connection, and trust, all foundational elements in relationships.  It impacts child development, even influencing a child’s attachment style.  

A nurturing home base where one is heard and valued is a place where a child can share their thoughts and feelings without judgement.  It is a place that children will want to return to again and again over their lives.  It is a place where their hearts can open and where they are fully embraced. 

Be willing to learn and grow.  We often think that children are the only ones growing and developing, and being a parent offers an amazing time to learn and grow as well.  Your child can be your greatest teacher. 

Each time you have a big reaction to something your child does or says, it marks a trailhead – a place to begin your hike of discovery.  Each upset or rupture in a relationship can be an opportunity to create greater closeness.  Each place of not knowing what to do or say is a time of expansion and growth. 

And sometimes we bump into a wall.  That is the time to find resources to support you – attend a course, get a coach, share with a friend, or talk to a therapist. 

Your willingness to learn and grow will not only spark your own resilience, but it will also exemplify the essence of resilience for your child.  Because children learn from watching you move through the world, they will exponentially grow from your model. 

Listen with intention.  Generally, we all talk too much and listen too little.   

It is not only the number of times that you listen but the quality of your listening that matters.  Avoid listening to insert your opinion, teach or preach a lesson, set up your next argument, follow an agenda, or prove how wrong your child is.  

Instead, listen with curiosity.  Listen with a desire to know your child.  Listen while being present in the moment.  Listen to understand.  

Will there be times that you don’t listen? Definitely!  Your recourse? Make amends. 

Will there be times that you can’t listen?  Absolutely!  What do you do?  Let your child know what is happening and schedule a time when you can devote yourself to listening. 

Creating a safe place to land, embracing your own development, and listening with intention are the three keys to nurturing your relationship with your child.  May these three keys unlock even more doors to greater closeness.