Why Clear, Courageous, and Confident Leadership is Needed Right Now

We live in a set of systems.  We have global systems, national systems, local systems, family systems, and our own individual internal system.  In fact, there is a non-pathologizing therapeutic model called Internal Family Systems that I will reference in this column. 

The concepts about your internal system can be extrapolated to your family system and even to your national and global system.  By befriending and unburdening your internal system, you can not only live a more centered life, but also lead with greater clarity, courage, and confidence.  That kind of leadership is needed right now in families and in our nation. 

We have a lot of ugly, tragic, and horrible stuff happening in our country.  One of the words used in reaction to this is “resist”.  Even though “resist” makes sense, I would like to refine the terminology because the words we use matter.  It matters inside of you as you deny, resist, or ignore parts of yourself. It matters with your family as your teen pushes the envelope.  It also matters with your response to this administration’s dogged dive into fascism.

On an individual level, when you resist what is showing up inside of you, those parts that are wounded and the parts that protect those wounded parts do not heal.  It is the proverbial “what you resist persists”.  The protector parts then show up anytime that someone else’s words or deeds are a reminder of that wound. 

Sometimes those protectors are harsh.  Sometimes they dominate your system.  Richard Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems, recently published an article, Self-Leadership in a Climate of Fear, (https://ifs-institute.com/news-events/news/self-leadership-climate-fear-note-dick-schwartz).  He wrote, “I have found that people dominated by hard-hearted protectors like these not only feel superior to the parts they exile [the deeply buried wounds] but are often drawn to belief systems that imply that certain kinds of people are superior to others and, consequently, to practices that exile the “inferior” people.”.  

Those parts could be “striving parts” that believe that only financial success, superiority, or power will make their system OK.  Schwartz continues, “No doubt Donald Trump’s contempt for his own vulnerability gets played out in how he has our government relate to the most vulnerable among us. His contempt for weakness is what we call a legacy burden – to survive a father who was by all accounts brutal and cold-blooded, parts of him had to absorb and lead his system with his father’s hard-hearted energy.”.  

Those harsh parts impact your relationship with yourself, your children, spouse, friends, and colleagues.  When someone with harsh parts dominating their system seeks a position of power, they can skew our nation, which is what we see happening now. 

On a family level, parents of teens can find their resistance – which they are wired to experiment with – incredibly frustrating.  Resistance requires something to push back against or hold the line against.  By understanding their teen’s developmental imperatives and their own triggers around power/authority/resistance, parents can disengage from the power struggles that ensue.  Parents can then flexibly lead rather than becoming a wall for their teen to push against.   

I do not like what is happening in our country, and instead of resisting, I suggest that we lead.  Leadership broadens the ways we can inspire change.  Resisting requires something to resist.  Remember, whatever we resist persists.  I want this to end rather than persist.  Leadership moves us beyond resistance.   

Leadership involves clarity, courage, and confidence.  Because of the current lack of clarity at the federal level, we see chaos.  Because of the lack of courage, we see cruelty labeled as “strength”.  Because of the lack of confidence, we see fear and the harsh, striving parts of elected officials determining policy.  

Federal leadership from a place of clarity, courage, and confidence means the people of our country can settle their own systems rather than being in a state of anxiety, dysregulation, anger, or fear.  Family leadership from that space means children will not only feel safe and secure but will also have a model of leadership.  Within you, self-leadership is directly tied to clarity, courage, and confidence. 

It may not always be comfortable, and it will always be creative, generating a multitude of options rather than the duality of win or lose, oppose or be oppressed, proposed by resistance.  Leadership will be compassionate, and it will require courage.  

With open courageous hearts, let’s stand up and lead within ourselves, our families, and our nation, and let’s accept nothing less from those elected to public office.