Creating Peace at Home During Stressful Times

[Many thanks to The Santa Fe New Mexican for permission to use this article from Whole Hearted Parenting’s column.]

There is no doubt that we are living in unprecedented times.  Let’s look at ways to lessen the stress and create more peace at home while moving through these times together.  Rather than viewing it as “getting through” a tough situation – and it is a tough situation – let’s see how to get the most out of it by focusing on our focus.

What we focus on expands.  If you notice every speck of dirt on your floor, you will see dirt everywhere.  If you focus on every “misbehavior”, it will soon seem as if your child acts out all of the time.  When you get a new car, you suddenly see your make and model everywhere.  We get more of what we focus on.

Focus on well-being over illness.  Discover how you can add on even healthier ways for your family to live during this time when the messaging is all about illness.  What can you and your children do each day to enhance your physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional wellbeing?   

Focus on being beautifully imperfect over being a perfect parent.  This is always true, and it is especially true during stressful times.  Let go of judging yourself.  Make amends when you make a mistake with your children.  You in all of your beautiful imperfection is who your children need and want.   

Focus on creating rituals and routines.  Rituals provide connections, and routines create safety.  Gretchen Ruben wrote in The Happiness Project that rituals and routines “help make life seem predictable, under control, and meaningful, and they provide family cohesiveness and predictability, which people—especially children—crave.” 

Focus on gratitude.  Put a large mason jar on a table and label it “Gratitude Jar”.  Have small pieces of paper next to it and invite everyone in your family to write down what they are grateful for throughout the day.  In the evening, sit down together and read all of them.  During their bedtime routine, ask your children what they are most grateful for that day.

Focus on safety when talking about what is happening.  If your children have questions, answer them calmly, truthfully, and age appropriately, always letting them know they are safe.  We are all in this together.  Keep the news off so that they are not getting a constant stream of input solely focused on illness.  Point out where people are helping.  

Focus on the helpers.  Mr. Rogers said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping.’  To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”  Focus on the helpers and find ways to help.

I wish you and your family all good things as we move through this together.