Have You Reached Your Threshold?

Much gratitude for The Santa Fe New Mexican for permission to post this article written for our column, Whole Hearted Parenting.

In a New York Times article entitled “The Pandemic Is a ‘Mental Health Crisis’ for Parents” the statistics showed what we could all probably guess – parents, and particularly parents of young children, are incredibly stressed.  Many reported losing their emotional support during the pandemic.  Those most critically impacted are “women who are pregnant or recently gave birth, and parents who are struggling financially to meet their children’s basic needs”.  With parents feeling adrift while juggling both working and managing their child’s virtual education, many feel as if they are approaching their threshold.

In writing this, I realized that I had reached mine.  It usually takes hours to complete an article once the topic is nailed down.  This took many days.  I intended to provide steps to counteracting the impact of all that we are handling, but I felt too tired to be inspirational and too discouraged to be encouraging.  Then, Ruth Bader Ginsberg left us.  I could not even focus.

Pam Dunn, CEO of Your Infinite Life Training & Coaching Company and author of It’s Time to Look Inside, expressed a reassuring perspective in saying, “We all have an immense capacity to hold space for those we care about, to take care of and care about those we love, to manage all the stressors of a pandemic and all it brings, to be present to learn all we can about how to genuinely serve during this uprising.  And, it is a lot to handle, to manage, to be present to, which can lead to feeling that you have reached your threshold.”

Yes, it is all a lot to be present to.  I have a good life, and I work from home.  My husband works from home.  Our daughter handles her college work independently.  Yet, somehow, I had reached my threshold.  Maybe you have, too.  Maybe there will be many thresholds that we reach as we move through this.

What is the solution?  Pam suggested taking care of ourselves on four levels – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  She advised to “pay attention to only the thoughts that serve your magnificence and ignore the rest; to learn how to feel your feelings without needing to engage in the stories; to connect to something greater than you, to expand in love and care for yourself; and to eat healthy, move your body with exercise, sleep well.”

Self-care is much more than taking a bubble bath.  It is becoming keenly aware of those four aspects of yourself – mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical – and nurturing each of them.  That is what keeps us balanced.  That is what assists us in being the parents we desire to be and in guiding our children to care for all aspects of themselves. 

Parents [and everyone!] , please take the time to see what is percolating under the surface – under the part of you that keeps pushing forward in the face of the changes, challenges, and craziness.

Notice what you are thinking and allow only those thoughts that support you.

Notice feelings that are rising and allow them without being attached to the story.

Reach out to something larger than yourself.  It could be your faith, your purpose, your connection to community.

Notice your body and give it what it needs to be healthy.

This is the time to tap into your practices, allowing them to support you.  This is the time to access your network, allowing friends and family to support you.  This is the time in which we can expand our thresholds by nurturing all aspects of ourselves.  If you feel adrift, caring for yourself is your port of call.