Being a Grand Grandparent

We’ve got the Grand Canyon, impressive in size and appearance, which fulfills one definition of “grand”.  A grand piano would fall under that same category as would grand battements in ballet.  Both are big, as is the impact that grandparents can have on their grandchild’s life.  The word “grand” appears first in “grandparent” for a solid reason.  

My parents were grand grandparents.  I trusted them.  I respected them.  Our daughter adored them.  They were incredibly responsible and caring.  They also had fun, enjoying being grandparents to the nth degree. 

I ran into a friend at breakfast back in April who is enjoying her new role and her new grandchild to that same degree.  She is decades younger than my parents were with people often thinking she is the mother of her grandchild, and she, too, epitomizes those same qualities that make a grandparent grand.  In addition to gushing love for her children and her grandchild, she is also very aware of how she shows up as a grandmother. 

What makes a grandparent grand?  How can you experience that role as elevating and expansive?  Here are some ideas! 

Respect the values and preferences of your child as they raise their child.  There are so many stories of grandparents disrespecting their child’s style of raising their children, from allowing over-the-top sugar intake to spanking to no limits around electronics and technology.  Honor your child’s way.  If they limit sugar, limit sugar.  If they prefer no television after a certain time of day, honor that.  Your respect for your child’s values, limits, boundaries, and preferences models respect.  Your grandchild will notice. 

Have a welcoming approach and an available ear for your grandchild.  Being heard and belonging are key for a child to feel safe.  Your home is a special space for your grandchild.  It can be like a second home for many children.  For my nieces and nephews, my parents’ home was a haven.  They felt safe, seen, and loved.  They could relax and talk to my parents about school, friends, homework, and their dreams. Visiting my maternal grandmother’s home was always an adventure where I was welcome to wander solo through groves of sweetly fragrant citrus trees, take a nap in the breeze on the front porch couch, tell ghost stories with my cousins, and present a fashion show with the antique hats that I “discovered” in the closet.  

Let them know how valuable they are to you.  One of our human needs is to be valuable.  Children may not recognize their value, so let them know how valuable they are to you.  Express how you look forward to and enjoy their visits.  Give them specifics on how they brighten your life such as watching them draw, laughing at their jokes, and learning about new things from them.  In addition, provide opportunities to help, be a part of a team, or contribute in some way.  They can set the table, assist with cooking, walk your dog, or sweep out the garage.  Acknowledge their assistance, letting them know how helpful it was for you. 

You know the value of the moment.  Guide them to understand being present.  Sometimes just sitting together listening to music, chatting, or perusing a catalog is not only regulating for your grandchild’s nervous system but connecting as well.  Fishing with granddad, baking bread with grandmother, being told family stories, or learning their heritage language are all incredibly significant.  These are the memories they will treasure as adults.  

Create the space for your children to come to you with questions about raising your grandchild.  My friend – the young grandmother mentioned above – said that her child calls her with questions.  That’s because she does not impose her style of parenting on them as they raise their child.  She allows space for them to explore their own way.  She is there as a steady resource, which is a comfort for them.  It is not intrusive.  It is safe. 

Grandparents, you are vital for both your children and your grandchildren.  You are valuable and much needed.  Have fun and enjoy your grandness to the nth degree!