Hope for the Holidays

Dear 2025 –

You have felt like a decade.  Why have you made it so dang hard?  Was it something that I said? 

Farewell –

Everyone 

I feel drained as 2025 comes to a close, more so than I remember feeling at any previous year’s end.  From daily reckonings with federal chaos, including literally and figuratively tearing down the White House, to our sweet young dog suddenly being unable to walk, blink, or eat, this year has left me bereft.  Untethered by the loss of our country’s integrity.  Sapped by personal crises.  2025 has been a constant exercise in conditioning my system to handle relentless stress.      

I am not alone in this.  Perhaps you are right there with me.  Some say that this set of 365 days has been even more stressful than the COVID years.  The American Psychological Association (APA) agrees.  

The APA’s Stress in AmericaTM survey ranked “societal division” as a major stressor with 62% of U.S. adults mentioning it as a significant source of stress in their lives.  The APA stated, “Beyond this concern about societal division lies a deeper, more pervasive emotional strain: loneliness.  Half of adults in the U.S. reported feelings of emotional disconnection, saying they have felt isolated from others (54%), felt left out (50%), or have lacked companionship (50%) often or some of the time, suggesting loneliness may have become a defining feature of life in America.  And the impact of societal division on loneliness is a stark reminder of how deeply external stressors can shape internal experiences. It’s not just about disagreement – it’s about disconnection.”  

On January 20, 2025, I speculated that by the end of this administration we would have experienced a major and significant drop in both mental and physical health in our country.  There is a connection between loneliness, political polarization, and stress. The APA states, “According to survey results, the emotional strain caused by loneliness and societal division doesn’t exist in isolation – it often coincides with signs of declining health and unhealthy coping behaviors.  There is significant overlap between those who felt disconnected or lonely and those who struggle with their physical and mental well-being”. 

Loneliness and isolation run counter to our intrinsic wiring to connect with others.  They interrupt our nervous system’s functions of co-regulation – to experience the stabilizing and calming impact of another’s nervous system – and “neuroception”, the ability to receive input from the world around us, within us, and between us.  We lack the information we need to feel safe and much of the information we do receive is threatening.   

Parents influence the atmosphere of the family.  If they are experiencing loneliness, disconnection, isolation, and stress, it is bound to impact the energy at home.  It is not intentional.  It is practically unavoidable.    

As we prepare to welcome 2026 (Dear New Year, please be kind!), what can we do to regain hope, because hope is what keeps us buoyant, resilient, and uplifted?  Here are a few suggestions: 

Notice the small successes.  It is those baby steps taken over time that make a difference.  Mr. Rogers suggested that in times of crisis we look towards the helpers.  Notice those who are making a difference, speaking up, and stepping up.  Pay attention to what has worked. 

Focus on the positives.  As stunning as our dog’s illness was, she has recovered.  Each day, I am delighted by her good health.  She instigates wrestling matches with our older dog, dashes out the door like a rocket in the morning, and eats like a Great Dane even at 37 pounds.  When my negativity bias surfaces whispering, “She could get sick again”, I remind myself that the vet said that was highly unlikely and that she is happy and healthy right now.  And if she did get sick again, we are skilled in what to do. 

Listen to those who are reasoned and reasonable.  Listening to Barack Obama lifted my spirits recently.  His broad view was comforting.  Find people whose words give you hope and good guidance.  Listen to them regularly.  

Join groups of like-minded people.  There is a sense of powerlessness in isolation and division.  You can counteract that with connection.  We all have the need to be powerful.  We have the need to belong.  Find your people.  Feel the strength of solidarity.  

Acknowledge what connects you.  Consciously notice what connects you to others.  Discover what you have in common and then let them know.  Someone hearing, “I admire how you care for animals.  I love animals, too” will experience the warmth of your recognition as well as your shared connection.  Be sure to include your children in both receiving your acknowledgements and in encouraging them to acknowledge others.   

Live from your values.  Take the time to identify and clarify them.  Live from that space.  Consciously living from your values strengthens you with every decision, every thought, and every action.  Take time with your children to define your family values.  

Have a therapist, coach, or friend who “gets you”.  Having someone to talk with offsets isolation.  Aloneness cements trauma.  Find your person.  You are not alone in this.  

Stay anchored.  Staying anchored means that you can flexibly navigate your nervous system – that you have autonomic agility.  There are many things that you can do when you find yourself in an activated or shut down state to return to a space of safety, calm, and centeredness.  Please join the list of folks who receive a Stay Steady text message from me every Tuesday by texting your name to the phone number below.  I am happy to add you to the growing list.  Deb Dana’s book, Anchored, is also a tremendous resource. 

Yes, we may be ready to bid this year a not so fond goodbye.  Before the ball drops, take a few moments to recognize and acknowledge what you have learned, how you have grown, and what strength you have shown.  You may be tired, and you did it!