Where is Your Moral Compass Pointing?

Back in mid-October, Marc Maron’s final episode in his sixteen-year run of the WTF podcast aired, featuring an interview with President Barack Obama.  It was an auspicious sendoff!  This last episode of WTF was an inspiring broadcast with two bright people talking about the state of our country, transitions, and the next phases of their lives. 

President Obama never fails to deliver hope, and one of the points that he raised was the importance of living from your values.  He spoke about having a moral compass to guide you.  

Discovering your values along with steering your child to discover theirs creates clarity.  Your values are your guideposts when making decisions.  They show you the places where you are willing to slide a little as well as the places where you hold firm.  This is especially helpful during off-kilter times.  To be able to clearly see what you hold dear and to courageously live from that space defines your moral compass.  It also defines integrity. 

To affirm and stay centered in your values takes reflection.  There is no better occasion than now when we are deep into fall, the season of slowing and preparing.  It is the perfect opportunity to set aside time to pause with your children for a discussion about values and their importance. 

Think of a few stories that you can share with your children about how your values have guided you.  For example, if you value equality, justice, or inclusion, share a time you called your senator or congressman to express your concerns or a time you participated in a civic march or a time you listened to another person when they felt excluded.  If you value clear communication, do you examine what you write for clarity or listen to what you say for its impact ?  Do you talk with a friend who may have crossed a boundary rather than writing them off or harboring resentments no matter how challenging that conversation might be?  If you were offered a career position in another state, share how you either accepted it or turned it down based on values that are important to you. 

During the discussion with your child, brainstorm values, writing them on a large sheet of paper that you can put up on the wall so that everyone can see.  Ideas include honesty, patience, compassion, kindness, empathy, self-compassion, self-discipline, physical fitness, good health, eating well, sharing with others, curiosity, learning, caring, and so on.  Cover the paper – maybe one of those extra-large sticky notes – with values!  

Talk about the importance of each of them.  Ask your child why the values they shared are meaningful to them.  Explore the differences that practicing that value would bring to the individual, your family, your community, and the world.  

Each of you choose three values that you wish to practice for the next month.  Write them on an index card and keep it handy.  Each day, remind yourself of three of your values and commit to operating from them.  Make it a fun experiment for your child to practice this as well.  

If something blows up with one of your children, choose one value – being loving, being compassionate, or being funny – as your guide.  Let your values be your chaperon, steering you to respond from your best self even at bad times. 

The same is true for your child.  They can engage their values to solve a problem or reach a decision.  They can determine how the solution would look based on the value they choose. 

For example, imagine that your child let you know that a friend teased them, and it felt hurtful.  First, validate and acknowledge their feelings and their experience.  Then ask which value they would like to choose.  Let’s say they pick kindness.  Ask them what they would like to do – if anything – as a kind solution, encouraging them to be specific and curious about what they would say, how they would sound, and their intention.  Remind them that kindness means being kind to themselves as well as to the other person.  Perhaps, they might choose to say, “Charlie, you may not have intended this, and what you said about my hair felt hurtful.” 

The word ‘core’ is often used in front of ‘values’ because they are fundamental, essential, and primary.  They are the center of who we are.  They provide strength and can be our powerhouse.  Let your values be a mainstay and encourage your child to keep their values central as well.  That way, you will always know where your moral compass is pointing!