Your Ticket to Uniquely Honor Mom on Mother’s Day

Each May, I grappled with the perfect way to honor my mother on Mother’s Day.  I wanted her to solidly know how deeply loved she was.  How do you communicate that?  Was it with flowers, candy, an original poem, a beautiful card, or taking her out to dinner?  Although I think I hit the mark most of the time, I wish I knew then what I know now – the key to uniquely honoring the mom in your life on Mother’s Day! 

The key is to discover her love language!  In 1992, The Five Love Languages: The Key to Love that Lasts, was first published.  Author Gary Chapman proposed that although we may enjoy all five of the love languages, we each have a primary and secondary love language that communicates love more loudly and profoundly to us.  Discovering her love language can guide your approach to Mother’s Day so that you feel confident that your expression of love will land with the heartfelt sentiments that you wish to convey. 

The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, physical affection, quality time, and gifts.  Words of affirmation can be spoken or written.  Acts of service include preparing a special meal, fixing something that needs repair, or picking something up at the store for someone.  Hugs, foot or back rubs, holding hands, or sitting close to one another as you watch television are expressions of physical affection.  Spending time together where you listen to one another, participate in an activity (not simply sharing space), and make eye contact all fall under quality time.  Gifts indicate that you have been thinking of the other person even when you are not together.  

Knowing that, how do you figure out Mom’s primary love language?  There are three ways – by noticing what she requests, by noticing what she does for others, and by simply asking her.  

If Mom reaches for your hand as you are walking or asks for shoulder rubs, her primary love language may be physical touch.  If she requests that you repair a broken vase or if on birthdays, she prepares your favorite meal, acts of service may speak love the loudest.  Does she simply seem to enjoy spending time together, engaging in conversation, and sharing feelings?  Quality time may be the one.  If she is totally enthralled with gift giving over the holidays and loves finding something special for those she cares about, gifts may be her love language.  Lastly, if she sends encouraging cards, tells you what she loves about you, or writes little notes to unexpectedly find, words of affirmation is her primary communication of love. 

Figuring out and sharing your love languages is a fun activity to have as a family.  Everyone will know one another’s love language, making birthdays, holidays, and other times where you honor one another more poignant. 

Now, let’s make the connection between her love language and your expression of love for her on Mother’s Day!  

If physical affection is her primary, consider making tickets entitling her to a back or foot massage from you.  Give her a gift certificate for a massage, mani-pedi, or day at a spa. 

If quality time makes her feel loved, plan a day together doing something she enjoys.  She chooses the activities.  She chooses the pace.   

Do acts of service speak the loudest?  Ask what you can repair, clean, organize, or spruce up.  Where would she like the most help?  Does the dog need a bath, kitchen need mopping, car need washing, or garage need arranging?  Pitch in! 

If words of affirmation express love for her the most, a poem, lovely card, or encouraging book would all be a fit.  Having every family member say what they love and appreciate about her and how she inspires them might fill her heart. 

Finally, we have the love language of gifts.  This is my love language in case you ever need to know, so choosing and receiving gifts is a joy.  For those who have a different love language, gift giving can be more challenging.  You might fear that the gift won’t be well received or that the recipient won’t feel your heart-felt sentiments.  Please keep in mind that none of us are mind readers able to conjure what another person wants! 

No matter if you are confident or not about choosing a gift, here is the good news. It is perfectly acceptable to ask Mom what she would like to receive for Mother’s Day, and it is perfectly acceptable for Mom to say what she would like.  That doesn’t diminish the sentiments behind the gift.  Instead, it can ensure that she is receiving something that is a great fit.   

Now you know what I didn’t know each May as I was contemplating something for my mom.  I hope your knowledge of the five love languages gives you confidence in expressing your feelings all year long and especially on May 11th!