The Vital Importance of Community

During times of chaos, challenges, and long-term stress, what has been found to shield children from trauma and to inspire resilience are three things – a highly connected relationship with a parent, doing something meaningful, and having a sense of predictability, some sense of control, or agency.  This is from the work of Ann S. Masten, Ph D, a renowned researcher in the field of resilience and author of Ordinary Magic: Resilience in Development. 

Those three factors – a highly connected relationship, having purpose, and having agency, which is being aware that you have the ability to influence the world around you – are all connected to community.  Children need community as do adults, especially during times of turmoil. 

In community, you get your needs met – to be valuable, to be powerful, to belong, and to love and be loved. 

In being valuable, you make a contribution.  You do something to enhance your neighborhood or improve the lives of your neighbors.  You coach a children’s soccer team, volunteer at an animal shelter, or lead a group of Scouts.  By doing something meaningful, you protect your system from the ill effects of long-term stress.  You become more resilient. 

In being powerful, you are influential.  It has nothing to do with force.  It has everything to do with experiencing your own agency.  Possibly, you inspire someone to seek much needed medical care.  Maybe you listen when someone needs to be heard, encouraging them when they felt alone.  Your presence in and of itself can be influential.    Meanwhile, you are building resilience. 

In belonging, you are connected.  You experience safety and social connection.  Belonging is different from “fitting in”.  In belonging, you be you.  In fitting in, you must adjust yourself to be like others in the group.  The social connection of belonging buffers your system and gives you flexibility. 

In giving and receiving love, you experience the greatest joys of life.  Love deepens your belonging and allows you to be even more valuable.  You experience highly connected relationships rich in trust.  This builds resilience. 

In our current climate where things are happening too fast, too soon, too much – the veritable definition of trauma – community is vital.  Resilience is vital.  This is true for your children and for yourself. 

Take a moment to assess your sense of community and that of your children.  Ask yourself and ask your children to ask themselves this one question.  Does your sense of community fill your cup and soothe your system?  If not, consider enhancing it. 

Seek out like-minded individuals who share your interests.  Gather together over a meal, for a hike, or to discuss a book.  Create a team – that may include your children – and enjoy Trivia Night at your favorite watering hole.  Sit at a community table in a restaurant so that you meet new people.  We met an amazing author once when the wait for our table-for-two was too long for our hungry bellies, and we decided to sit at the community table for six.  It was a very entertaining evening of stories, and from that one meal forward, we enjoyed running into him around town and at book readings. 

We treasure our Cerrillos community.  The residents on our road communally pay for waste removal services.  We have a thread on Facebook to keep up with one another, request a hand with a task, and simply say hello.  My husband and our neighbor, Tom, maintain our two-mile dirt road.  Other neighbors grow food that we purchase directly from them in the local farmer’s market.  Some of us have breakfast together almost every Sunday.  When our dog was hit by a car and my husband rushed him to the vet, a dear friend came over to keep me company and then drive me to the vet as well.  Another neighbor taught us how to weave beads, inspiring a group of us to gather around the kitchen table to create hat bands.  She gifted a massive collection of embroidery thread to me.  It will surely keep me stitching for the rest of my life! 

In community, you band together, work together, laugh together, eat together, learn together, create together, hurt together.  You nourish one another with reciprocity and generosity.  From this, your resilience flourishes.